


right here, right now.

by kaqeyama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, fluff and angst kageyama, post-breakup kageyama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaqeyama/pseuds/kaqeyama
Summary: do you believe in second chances?because kageyama tobio does.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Reader, Kageyama Tobio/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	right here, right now.

**Author's Note:**

> kageyama x female reader (self-insert)
> 
> angst to fluff, post-breakup, college!au haikyuu
> 
> ‹ warning: no honorifics, written in lowercase, reader’s pov, poorly written ›

"you're really going, right? tomorrow for karasuno’s reunion?" sugawara's voice is hopeful. patting my hand as a sign of encouragement, his eyes are sparkly and his eyes are always kind. you can _never_ reject sugawara. he's always been a really kind senior to me, or probably he just got this effect on people.

"i don't know, sugawara. i really want to meet all of you, i also miss the all of the seniors- but i don't think i'll be brave enough to face him." letting out a sigh, i shifted in my seat, fiddling with my own cup of hot chocolate that i got earlier before bumping into sugawara in the queue.

_this is what i'm scared of the most._

encountering karasuno volleyball club members randomly, and not being able to accept their invitation whenever they're hanging out. _and it's all because of him._

"how long has it been? since you talked to kageyama?" sugawara asked carefully, trying to look my eyes as if saying his name would make me explode. _well it actually would, one day i'll finally explode whenever i hear his name ring in my ears._ i shook my head, blinking repeatedly at the bittersweet sound of his name.

"3 months? more than 3 months? i didn't count. i was too hurt to count, i think? i don't know how to explain it but it hurts me really good." i let out a bitter chuckle, looking up at the bright sky while avoiding sugawara's gaze on me, _and yup. he’s worried like he’s my own mother_.

"how about the others? you still talk to-"

"yes. yes, _yes_ , i still talk to all of them. yachi and yamaguchi actually went out with me yesterday to watch some movies, and tsukki texts me often since we're in the same course together. you know? i was surprised that tsukki would join something art related in college. our first year of college is ending and he manages to shock me with his random behavior” sugawara laughed at my remarks about tsukki, nodding his head as we share the missing pieces in our lives ever since college started.

_ever since i started drifting away from people._

_─_

_i_ finally agreed on going to karasuno's reunion tomorrow.

sugawara wouldn't stop pestering me about it, not to mention hinata and nishinoya who were also pestering me through texts and _instagram_ which kinda makes my head hurts. it's not like i want to forget all of my high school friends, but since most of my memories with them also include **kageyama** in it, i just want to forget all of the memories i had with him.

he was my high-school lover. _at least we were like lovers. that’s what i thought, lovers._ until college started and he started hanging out with another pretty girl in his class, until he invested his time in someone else rather than me.

it hurt me like crazy. the day i caught him lying to my face saying that he’s going to be at the library _which is very unlike him_ and i found him accompanying the girl to the art supply store- **it was my favorite art supply store too**.

my breath hitched at the thought of him with someone else, grunting and stuffing my own face with my pillow- trying to block out my own thoughts which is 100% not working.

_i hate sleeping like this._

i hate closing my eyes but my head is still loud with my own thoughts, and it wasn’t positive. it’s always filled with heartbreak, with pictures of him leaving me without explaining why. without telling me what i did wrong.

_what did i do wrong?_

_─_

i arrived at daichi’s house, bringing 2 bags full of snacks and hangover cures, just in case something went crazy later.

“hey! you’re here!” hinata were already shouting, greeting my by giving me a hug. nishinoya followed after, and i was greeted with daichi and asahi’s warm smiles. _and it indeed felt like home._

“i’m glad you came. how are you?” daichi asked after embracing me with a hug, not forgetting to mess with my hair.

“surprisingly well! you?”

“going to be messed up knowing that thesis is coming up” he said making me laugh, patting daichi’s back, following all of the boys to daichi’s backyard where yachi and kiyoko are already grilling meat and vegetables.

“hey, sit here!” inviting me to sit beside her, yachi gave me a glass of fruit punch, nudging me lightly.

“you’re finally ready to meet him” kiyoko stated, making me flustered and gloomy at the same time, which resulted me shrugging my shoulder.

“i don’t think i am, i just miss all-“

my words are cut off when i see kageyama walking to the backyard, settling beers down on the table and apologizing to everyone that he’s late. _am i getting all of this lovestruck feeling again?_

“yeah, you’re not ready” yachi shook her head, panicking and grasping my hand. kiyoko only laughs a little, preparing a glass of drink for kageyama.

kageyama approached our table, obtaining his drink from kiyoko and bowing to me and yachi. leaving soon afterwards, and our eyes didn’t even meet. i didn’t even get the chance to greet him.

“i wanna go home” i whispered softly but enough for yachi and kiyoko to hear it. biting my own lips, i fiddled with my fingers— not paying attention to everyone’s stories, and i didn’t even realize that all of us had formed a circle to talk better.

“how about you, Miyu?” tanaka asked, nudging me since he’s sitting beside me and yachi. raising his eyebrow at me who’s confused.

“how about what?”

“college”

“oh.. oh! umm i’m actually doing fine-“ my sentence got cut off by tsukki who chuckled loudly.

“yes, fine crying whenever she’s working on her assignment” he teased, resulting in me throwing a piece of green bean to his head, laughing for the first time tonight.

“really?! didn’t expect that from you!” asahi also raised his eyebrow at me, and before i got the chance to answer, tsukki already answered for me.

“yeah. we’re in the same literature class and the same art course. she’s always talking about coping with sadness and heartbreak. once i caught her crying because we were talking about a volleyball setter who fell in love with someone on the crowd— she’s probably still crying and thinking about kageyama, but she’s a strong one.” my eyes widened, kageyama who’s sitting across from me seemed like he don’t even care, listening to tsukki’s snarky story and looking at me uninterested. i sighed softly, trying to reason with tsukki’s remarks.

“no, actually. i’ve been watching and studying about romance novels and movies. i find it fascinating how love works, sometimes it’s beautiful and sometimes it hurts like hell. there’s no in-between. i find it odd that people love romance novels, it hurts my head.” i laughed bitterly while locking eyes with kageyama, but laughing when i saw nishinoya hitting tsukki in the back of his head after.

“how about you, tanaka? i heard you’re going to finally ask kiyoko out again. ready to get rejected again?” i teased, nudging him back.

and at least it was fine.

_it was fine for a couple of minutes._

─

“hey.” his voice was too familiar. _i know his voice unconsciously._

“hi”

fuck. i hate it. **i hate this.** my voice is softer and sadder than what i intended it to be and once again, i’m wondering why yachi told me to get the drinks at the fridge when it’s stacked back there in the backyard.

“need some help?” kageyama asked, opening a small carton of milk which made me want to smile. he’s not a drinker, he didn’t even drink that much when we know that we’re already legal to drink.

milk will always be his favorite.

“i don’t know why yachi sent me here, we still have a lot of drinks back there”

“can we talk, then?” kageyama asked, already finished with his small carton of milk, throwing it to the trash.

i nodded hesitantly- following him to daichi’s garden, which is actually quite far from the backyard, giving kageyama and i the privacy that we need.

“how have you been, Miyu?” he asked after we both sat down in the bench, and i can only sigh. i don’t have any comments.

“i’ve been good”

“not really according to tsukki’s story”

“he’s making it up, tob- kageyama.”

“we both know he’s the most honest person in this house right now”

kageyama chuckled bitterly as well, i didn’t even dare to look at his eyes- instead i just hugged myself, trying to warm myself up due to this atmosphere and the damn weather that’s oddly cold.

“how about you?”

“i’m doing great with college. national team is doing amazing as well, and i got offered to play in europe” kageyama smiled, nodding his head slowly, giving me short glances every so often.

“are you going, kageyama?” i asked softly, trying to convince myself that he’s not leaving me again for the second time.

“yes, we’re leaving in 2 days. we’ll be in europe for 10 days only, though. but i might get offers and matches if we win. i get to take another person too, and i have someone already” and i feel like i’ve been suffocated.

i nodded, closing my eyes for a short time while looking at the sky.

“i’m happy for you, really” i smiled, this time i feel like freezing too and kageyama seemed to notice- frantically taking off his denim jacket, draping it on my smaller body.

“why didn’t you tell me you were cold, stupid?” kageyama huffed, pulling me closer to him and giving me a hug in attempt to warm me up.

i didn’t want to hug him back, but it was an automatic response from me. i was grasping his black shirt and i didn’t realize i’m crying already. _fuck._ i bottled it up, and _it’s my time to explode_.

“hey, Miyu? what’s wrong?”

“please don’t leave me again” i whimpered quietly, tightening my hug on him.

_i’ve lost all of my sanity and all of my guards are off tonight._

“what-“

“i can handle you breaking up with me but i can’t handle having you completely gone from my life especially if you have someone else, _tobio_. i really can’t. i’m happy for you i really am, i’m proud of you for achieving your dreams and going overseas for matches- but i don’t wanna lose you, _tobio._ ” calling him tobio for the first time in months made me relieved but also in pain.

“you didn’t give me a chance to speak-“ i pulled away from the hug, wiping my own tears, standing up from my seat.

“i don’t think i could ever hear it. i shouldn’t have come today, i shouldn’t have go. i thought meeting you would resolve my feelings for you but no, tobio. i can’t get over you, i will never get over you, and it would be better if you didn’t say that you’re leaving. i can’t- i love you too much“

“stop it, Miyu” kageyama also stood up, hugging me tighter this time, the sound of our friend’s laughs are faded since all i can hear is his breathing and his heartbeat.

“i’m glad if our feelings are still mutuals”

i stopped crying, looking at kageyama with my teary eyes, he wipes it with his thumbs. i can’t say anything right now.

“i’m sorry. it won’t be enough because i know i was so stupid and you deserve better than me. i’m sorry for not spending my time with you as i used to, i’m sorry for ignoring your texts and calls whenever you’re worried about me, i’m sorry about all of my wrongdoings. i’m sorry. i’m really sorry.” it’s kageyama’s turn to divert his eyes from my gaze.

“why didn’t you say this sooner?”

“i’m too scared of losing you too. we both have the same fear. i didn’t know what’s better for us.” kageyama fixed my hair, putting a strand of hair behind my ear.

“you’re really a different one, tobio” i smiled, tears still staining my eyes- but kageyama is always there to wipe it away.

“Miyu, can i kiss you?” kageyama asked, licking his lips while holding my face with both of his hands.

i nodded my head, putting my hand on his hands, feeling his lips on mine after months of heartbreak and pain. after thinking that the both of us are never meant to be. after being tired of our fears.

“and i hope you don’t mind that i looked through your schedule and that your semester break already started, thanks to the courtesy of smart tsukki, because we’re going to europe.”

i smiled, shaking my head and pulling kageyama to kiss my again, transferring his warmth to my body.

“i don’t mind. did you tell tsukki? i’m surprised he wants to help you.”

“yes. he suggested this, actually. and everyone knows, this reunion is actually my plan. i know you wouldn’t stand hinata and nishinoya pestering you into going, i’m also glad sugawara bumped into you, he can bother you too and it worked.” kageyama laughs, giving me another peck on my lips.

“you’re evil”

“Miyu?”

“yes?”

“i love you. this is the first day that i will love you recklessly and carelessly, and i’ll continue to love you forevermore” kageyama’s words shocked me, earning a smile from me and a kiss.

“and i as well, will love you forevermore, tobio kageyama.”

_and he’s mine. again._

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAHHHHHH thank you so much for reading the whole thing!!! i am going to cry this is so poorly written and i wrote this at 4am and i was half sleepy, i haven’t got the time to edit this but i hope dearest readers who are here enjoyed it!!! T_____T
> 
> p.s. you can also find me on tumblr- kaqeyamatobio! <3


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